Updated: Mar 18
Creating boundaries with families and friends is by far the most emotionally challenging task. Are you wondering why? It’s because we naturally want there to be no conflict in the family, we want to nurture and preserve all of the happy moments - and it’s far easier in the moment to go with the flow than to say no.
As I said in the previous blog, the hard part is enforcing the boundaries you identify and set up. The more you have to lose, the closer you are with a person and the more you are trying to prove the harder it is to stay firm on a boundary, it’s just the nature of the beast because you are emotionally more invested.
Plus, the closer you are to another person the more vulnerable you are to their manipulation, they know your triggers - I’m not saying you are surrounded by malicious people, but it is what it is.
When it comes to relationships the list of desires include: to have a relationship status, to progress in that relationship to the next level, to be more valued, to be taken seriously or to simply have boundaries.
Think about Everybody Loves Raymond. Raymond and his wife live right next door or across the street from his parents, so his parents are, literally, always there - with absolutely no notice and they just stick around indefinitely. It’s hilarious for a sitcom, but in terms of actually living that out in real life, yikes!
One of the common familial issues I have assisted clients out with is a sibling overextending them-self to help out another sibling. Something starts off as a nice gesture, and it quickly morphs into a toxic situation and ruins a family dynamic. Another common issue for clients is feeling like they are indebted to another person, because a friend or family member volunteered their assistance in a time in need and the volunteer just keeps cashing in the same chip making the individual feel like they are owed..
If you feel guilty for thinking you need boundaries, don’t. Restructure the way you are approaching the situation; I am willing to bet you are considering boundaries because you are interested in preserving a relationship not destroying it.
If you are interested in talking about your specific situation and setting up realistic boundaries reach out. If you need extra support in enforcing your boundaries and are looking for an accountability partner, I am here and I would love to partner up with you.
Be well & very best,